- Lucifer:
Haha! Looks like you could use some help
From the Big Boss of Hell himself
Check out Daddy's glowing reviews on Yelp

- Lucifer Muppets:
"Five Stars!"
"Flawless!"
"Greater than great!"

- Lucifer:
With a punch of a pentagram
I Wap! Bam! Boom! Alakazam!
Usually, I charge a sacrificial lamb
But you get the family rate!

- Lucifer and Charlie:
"Thanks, Dad!"

Who needs a busboy now that you've got the chef?
(Woh-oh-oh!)
Michelin tasting menu, free à la carte
I'll rig the game for you because I'm the ref!

Champagne fountains
Caviar mountains
That's just to start!

- Alastor:
Who's been here since day one?
Who's been faithful as a nun?
Makes you chuckle with an old-timey pun?
Your executive producer

- Charlie :
That's true!

- Alastor:
I'm your guy, your day-to-day
Your chum, your steadfast hotelier
Remember when I fixed that clog today?

- Niffty:
I was stuck. Thank you, sir!

- Charlie:
Oh, you!

- Alastor:
I'm truly honored that we've built such a bond

- Charlie:
Awww!

- Alastor:
You're like the child that I wish that I had

- Lucifer:
Uh, what?

- Alastor:
I care for you just like a daughter I spawned

- Lucifer:
Hold on now!

- Alastor:
It's a little funny
You could almost call me
Dad!

[Interlude musical]

- Alastor:
They say when you're looking for assistance
It's smart to pick the path of least resistance

- Lucifer:
Others say that in your needy hour
There's no substitute for pure angelic power!
Who just happens to also be your blood!

- Alastor:
Sadly, there are times a birth parent is a dud
They say the family you choose is better

- Lucifer:
What a bunch of losers!

- Alastor:
Can you butt out of my song?

-Lucifer:
Your song? I started this!

-Alastor:
I'm singing it, I'll finish it!

-Lucifer:
OH, YOU TACKY PIECE OF—!

- Mimzy:
It's me!
Yes, it's me!
I know you were all waiting for me!

I'm here!
What a gas!
Took a while but I'm present at last!

It's me!
It's me!
Mimzzzyyyyyyy!

Lucifer: Who?